Where to begin.... there's always so much to say about the first episode of a new season. I suppose there is no better place to start than with the lady herself, Ashley Hebert. I have to say, she about hit the nail on the head in terms of my expectations. She's no Emily. She knows it, ABC knows it and I know it. They tried to glam her up at the After The Final Rose and did a pretty good job. I liked the hair color, the swept bangs and loose waves. But shit, home girl just can't keep it up. Last night, she looked disheveled and short in a swanky gown that was too grown up for her. I swear, if she licks her teeth one more time, I might die. I'm wondering is she worried she has food stuck in her teeth or has lipstick smears... she is lacking in terms of lips so maybe this is a constant battle for her. But your best solution would be a mirror. She reminds me of those snotty kids who continuously lick around their mouth. Admit it- you know exactly what I'm talking about. Frankly, I think she is a DNA copy of Trista Sutter mixed with the "i'm short and cute" attitude of Jillian Harris. Last night I was irritated with all the squealing and giggling. It was just all too much. I think the irritation is up today after learning that Brad and Emily have OFFICIALLY called it off. Damn- could have been so much better with her. I feel like ABC realizes they were in a pickle- sort of had to choose Ashley. So they have compensated by adding a shitload of tools this season. And you know what, I like it! That's some summer tv! I'm a little off the Bachelor train right now. Honestly, I'm pissed about Brad and Em. He's such a dick for f'ing it up with her that right now I don't think any of these fools should find love. So bring on the hot mess of emotions.
Every season, it gets harder and harder to watch the first introductions. I am litterally curled up in a ball in my bed and forcing myself to watch these horribly awkward encounters. If it wasn't for my current lime sherbet addiction I'm not sure I would even be able to pull my head out from under the pillow (hey it's my wine for the next 5 months!). I think in the future any dude who decides to pick you up and put you on his shoulder or do a tango with you upon his initial meeting should immediately be asked to leave. In fact, she should throw the rose at his face. It's not clever. It's not sexy. It's rude. Put her shiny, happy ass back on the floor.
Ok let's do a quick review of some stand outs. I'm horrible in the beginning with names, so bare with.
JP- Early front runner in my mind. Super hot and for some reason, i'm digging his shaved head. I even liked the cupcake story he told till she ruined it with her fantasy of being called "cupcake". Really Ash? You want to admit that? I may not be able to let that go.
Ben- He reminds me a bit of Frank from Jillian's season. I think he's pretty cute (maybe a bit much jaw but rather too much than too little). I thought the message board was a little hoaky but hey, I love Love Actually- well played my friend.
Constantine- I'm seriously distracted by his name. I really can't hear anything he says when his name pops up on screen.
West- Love his name (yes I'm very stuck on names based on my current situation). His story was gut wrenching. Very relieved she picked him. I'd like to see that play out. Obviously we know from Emily, that a widow goes far in terms of ratings- no offense West.
Dude who threw the guitar- clever... not sure how I feel just yet about him. Makes me laugh a little thinking of Wes from Jillian's season. Really kind of wish he threw Ashley in the pool though instead of the guitar though- really Ash? You can't wait to be serenaded? Maybe it's just me.... I hate that kind of attention.
Jeff- The Masked Man. Ok I really kind of hate this crap. He's a real "let me be the center of attention by being as invisible as possible" kind of guy. Normally, we see this with girls who are crying in the bathroom. "Don't pay attention to me... wah wah wah". On the other hand, I'm fine with his reasoning and calm demeanor. Hey why not get to know him? But all this was before I realized he continues to wear the mask into the following days. Seriously? I'm also curious, can she see his picture back in the "decision" room? Then that's just stupid.
Bentley- Normally I would hate this guy. I think I have a lot of potential to hate this guy. But at this point, I think it's sheer drama and that's what I'm looking for. If I wanted to see normal and healthy I'd turn on reruns of 7th Heaven. He is hot- great hair. Definite douchebag who was on drugs when naming his child Cozy. Maybe they were roomates with Apple Martin or Blanket Jackson at the hospital. I think I'm going to have a hard time feeling sorry for Ashley in the end knowing she was warned in grave detail about this guy. And if that didn't do it for you Ash, you know he named his daughter Cozy. Beware. In the spirit of Oprah's final week, I'll share with you all a piece of advice she frequently quotes, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them". O what will we do without you?
And finally, Tim- hmm not sure what to say. Tim if I were you, I think i'd get an attorney. For any of my lawyer readers... could he sue ABC for over-serving him and then using footage to make a complete mockery of him? I really felt bad for the dude. Did she really need to get 6 men to help her get him out to the car? But to Tim, you need to check yourself fool. I know you're nervous, but really? Ask yourself, should you be working in the liquor industry?
Quote of the night- "It takes guts and nuts!"- some dude in reference to "stealing" Ashley away.
Well I think this promises to be a season of entertainment. Ashley I wish you luck. You may even find love. But if you do, it will be despite all odds. I really think ABC has set up every obstacle and drama possible in the name of ratings. GIrl, listen to your gut. You have already hinted to us that you are lacking some confidence and felt like viewers really wanted to see Emily- I think you are right and for that, I feel for ya.
P.S. I'd like to take my blog a little further in the future, so please feel free to repost a link to it on your FB pages or blogs. Thanks!
