Bachelorette- The Men Tell All too little

So I'm a bit behind on the blogging, but vacation called. Let me start with this small contract issue I have with ABC- don't they require ALL the bachelors to appear on this kind of shit? Where the hell was Justin??? It's just not the same to bash these dudes if they aren't there to dig their hole deeper. So I guess the next best thing was audience commentary? Seriously? Lame waste of time. As well as the overplayed recaps- we freakin' know what happened this season. You think some dude channel surfing is gonna just pause on The Bachelorette and be all "caught up" and grateful for the backline. And while I'm griping- I totally missed the 20/20 special after the show- I had no idea that was going to be on afterwards since I DVR'd- so did I miss anything??

Anyhoo- Loved the Phantom bit. Did Chris N. just get off narcs or what? He was so lively tonight and perhaps a bit too tan- great haircut though. Same holds true for Kyle (looked sooo much better). Ty is really growing on me and I'm beginning to think Jessie might have been cast off a bit too early. I think the real winner tonight was Craig. Erin I gotta hand it to you- he really pulled this one out. He's rather witty and gets better looking by the minute. Was he trying a bit too hard to be the next Bachelor though? Loved how they called Kasey out on the crazy- he took it well and his song at the end was hilarious. Still can't stand his voice. Maybe he has too many "angles". His face is a bit sharp and then his hair is precise and his shirt a bit crisp. He needs a t-shirt and reefs.

I'm still having an issue with the way everyone on the show (bachelors to host Chris Harrison to Ali herself) all act like she is the one planning and preparing these dates. Be real, bitch didn't call no private chopper shop and order herself a ride around a leaky volcano and we all know she didn't gather grapes and cheese for a picnic. The only thing I think she did herself was her hair. I'm still bothered by the extensions although it was a cute up-do tonight. Loved her dress though it was maybe not all that flattering. Sometimes you gotta wear sequins no matter the consequence. I feel that. Men have power red ties and girls have shiny shit and heels.

Ok I remember that mousy girl, Jessie, from Jake's season, but seriously? Did she need a whole segment? She's so damn proud of herself for discovering Justin's girlfriends. I mean honestly, can we say producer planted? Maybe it's just the Canadian in her (KIDDING!). Oh I did just read on people that she is actually now dating Kirk. Interesting....

Speaking of Kirk- he looked better on tonight's show- lighting maybe? He could grow on me over time, but I definitely can't see him as next bachelor. And honestly, if you think are dying and not going to make it through the night, why wouldn't you go to the hospital?

So I'm thinking Ali "takes the ultimate risk" and risks having nothing by choosing no one. Eh. She's an idiot not to marry Chris. Roberto ain't bad either. So I'm voting Chris next bachelor. She hit it right on the head saying "he's just so manly". He is just so John Corbett in Sex in the City circuit bucket of chicken on his chest episode. Loves.

Oh I know what we're missing now- the Weatherman. Poor dude. He gets more mousy and womanly with every second. Does anyone watch him in Houston?

Well folks, if you're in town next Monday then stop by for the finale watching party at my house. Bring your shit talk ladies!!!

Bachelorette Week 7- Showdown Vake

Wow what a week- let's start with the self proclaimed Famewhores. That was TV gold people. I just wanted to punch Jake right in the nose and white up his snotty little attitude with Vienna's over made-up face. Girl, no "coat" is gonna make you look normal and professional- she should listen to Oprah- Don't wear white on camera cause it's just too harsh. But seriously, I did actually start to feel sorry for her. It did appear to me that she had some real feelings (albeit those of an idealistic 7 year old who just finished watching The Little Mermaid). Loved how she called him out on not flying in the last 2 years only because it elicited his brilliant response of, "Uh-huh! I flew last weekend!" haha- dude YOU need to get a job. I'm a little confused about the dog- did it die? Since when did an IV translate to sick as shit? So he flew the dog out and then it shat everywhere so he made her drive it to Florida? Hmmm... if they were smart they would have avoided all these arguments about a dog and just had a baby like other real couples. That way they could have sold the new baby pics and split the money and been set for like the next 2 months. Chris Harrison please stop showing favoritism to Jake- he's a douchebag and you look like a tool being nice to him. Vienna take some xanex before big shows like this. Jake- go away. And don't interrupt me!

Now back to Portugal- I believe I'd like to go there as long as I don't have to see every so-called castle in sight and have a fairytale theme. ABC you overdid it with the cheesy music, sunsets and prince themes- seriously- it's embarrassing when my husband walks in and the GUYS are saying they want to be her "king" and using words like "dungeon". Hard to stay legit with shit like that. Ali- lookin better this week. I liked most of her outfits and her hair didn't piss me off as much. Bye bye Ty- let's not pretend you ever had a real shot. The cowboy thing was cute but we all know horseback riding doesn't build a lasting relationship. Robert0- you bored me a bit this week. I'm ready for Ali to pull herself together and stop fawning over him. Looks like next week may be worse with him in a baseball uniform. Kirk- ugh. I'm so over him and his huge plaid shirts. Frank- well we all pretty much know you are gonna suck in the end (You've really let me down Frank- I was pulling for you early on). Did everyone catch a glimpse of the ex in next week's preview? She doesn't seem that cute but we'll see. Frank, when you are trying to man-up your circumstances about being 30 and living at home with your 'rents, try not to cry- it definitely peels away the masculinity. He also needs to stop discussing his game plan with the other men- you're showing your cards bro. Chris L- mmmm still my fave! Ali is dumb if she doesn't like him. But then again, something is keeping her single- she must not want a kind, sensitive, brawny hunk of a man. My one concern is a slight over attachment to the family- let's hope he has some boundaries.

Well baby Ella is up and ready for her mommy to stop bashing these fools and put her nice face on again. Till Monday peeps....