Monday Night Reality = immorality!

So I don't know about you guys but between Real Housewives of NJ reunion and Bachelor Pad, I felt like I had done something wrong just by watching. It was seriously like Mean Girls exploded. Let's start with Bachelor Pad. At first, I was little curious to see what would come of the "survey". But ABC didn't even sugar coat that one bit. They cut right to it- who's dumbest, who's the worst boob job and finally who's never the bride- are you kidding me?!? Why were the questions so focused on hurting the females? I mean I really hate to dissect these types of shows because I love them and if I really examine them I'd probably realize just how shitty they are to women in general. But seriously, there wasn't even a need to soul search last night. It was just plain wrong. I mean I think I pulled a Kovacs and started to care for Elizabeth when last week I thought she was the spawn of satan with bad hair. If she has the worst boobs I must look like a freak of nature to them (despite the fact that most of them are a bit too orange and have major hair color issues). That being said, my heart broke for Gwen (I have always liked her circa Aaron's season) as well as Natalie. Dude, who didn't party before they got married? Way to go girl- work it till you find it. (She is, however, one who needs to work on her coloring- I'm just saying). I got into a pretty good Tenley discussion this last weekend and I believe last night was the nail in the coffin for her and really solidified an evolving opinion I had of her. She damn near leapt out of her seat when she called it on Gwen being the "dumb" one. Seriously, she's dumb. She shits rainbows, has a whiny voice and lacks any real confidence. She sucks. I had high hopes for this show and to be honest, it's disappointing a bit. Not like I won't watch it, but The Bachelor is probably just a better show.

Onto my Jersey Girls! Now there's some shit flying. I love this cast because they ALL really believe they are the ones who have done NOTHING wrong. I can't stand Danielle (and really every show needs a villain and she's a great one). She's delusional and crazy and looks like she's in a constant state of trying to contain her emotions while putting a hex on someone. But I'm seriously starting to feel sorry for this poor old hag. The other ladies are freaking cruel to her. I mean they strike fast and deep- hit the core every time. Danielle lashes out back and nearly gets eaten by Teresa. That chick needs some meds. She damn near put Andy in a coma. That's a bit too masculine for my tastes. She looked crazy last season with the table flip (though it was a highlight of the season for me) and this year she's look like Ramona from RHONYC with crazy eyes. And dude fess up about the money shit. You are freakin broke. You blew your money on feather boas and marble floors. We know it.

Jacqueline- get a stylist. Red sequin mini halter dress- really? I don't know if I EVER could have pulled that thing off in my lifetime and you certainly shouldn't try at 40. Caroline oh Caroline. Loves her. Mama bear can be for 'ril scary. I like it though- so much attitude and she's usually right. She's getting a bit doctor phil with "OK corral" and "buckle up" expressions every 5 seconds, but hey, it's her. She looked great in royal blue as well. Power color without saying "fuck you" in red sequins.

So I'm dying for next week's episode. Did anyone else think they were hinting at a previous sexual relationship between Danielle and Jacqueline?? Hmm.... I was confused and can't wait to see next week's throw down. Till then I'm off to confession for some repentance after watching all this trash.

Real Housewives of DC- Sparkle edition

Because I just can't leave it alone. Michaele what the fuck?!? Sparkle? Are you shitting me? That's so Rainbow Bright. That was the most awkward 4 second pause waiting for your new horse's name and you come up with Sparkle. I love you how she had her riding pants on for her birthday surprise. As if....

Ok this season seems a bit too delicate to touch on too much. They have the race card, the Brit thing and anorexia already- oh my. Should be a great season. Can't wait to see the White House scandel unfold. That hooch is gonna be entertaining.

The Bachelor Pad- Series premiere

Seems like I'm gonna L-O-V-E love this show. It was a good turn around coming on the heels of Ali's season (which I didn't blog on because frankly most of you readers were already at my house to hear quite a bit of commentary). I will say this- Very surprised she ended up with someone at all. Love her and Roberto and might actually put a little faith into this relationship. Chris Chris Chris- PUuuuuhlease tell me you are the next bachelor. Can you see it- a whole season around that delicious Chris L. mmmm :)

Anyhoo- my mind can get so distracted when I'm planning the upcoming productions for primetime tv. Back to the Bachelor Pad. Catchy and appropriate title. I really liked Melissa Rycroft Strickland (?) so I'm happy to see her hostess a bit. Loved her metallic dress at the rose ceremony but found it very awkward when she handed the roses to the girls. I think she could use about an 8 pound weight gain. Not much but just a touch to take away the harsh edges on her. Overall good cast but a few from left field. Krisily? Who the fuck is that? Charlie's season was lame and I heard that he and Sara have broken up once and for all so wish they had picked her over that chick. Laughed so hard when Weatherman, Jonathan, was like "who the hell is she"? Cause you know that dude has watched as loyally as me- grow a pair bro. Also laughed when he was deciding if he should hook up with a few girls to get votes (as if he has that option- dude they laughed at you to your face). Sometimes I guess it pays to be oblivious. Gwen- were the question marks next to her name necessary? She can't be that old. 40-43 is my guess. And honestly she looks smokin hot- hasn't really aged since her show with Aaron (what an awful bachelor!!!!). She just needs a great haircut and some low-lights. Curious to see what she'll do this season. Natalie- you know that chick gets around. Bet she hasn't worked a day since her season. I think she got veneers. Looks good. Wish she would fix her hair. Jessie the girl- still looks so mousy to me. And her dress that she wore out with Craig M. looked like a tame 1980's prom dress circa Pretty in Pink. She does have rockin abs but I'm just not seeing it. The guys seem to really like her which makes me think she has a reputation for other things they just haven't shared with us yet. Nicki- hmm? Not sure how i feel about her yet. I remember her being the den mother in her season who cooked for everyone and just "couldn't let her guard down". I really didn't see her with Juan. I personally think she lucked out with getting rid of him on the first episode. Otherwise, her anger and tears would have continued over the next few weeks and really made her look desperate and weak. Now Juan just looks like a tool. In fact, he's a bit mousy looking as well so it would be interesting to see him with Jessie. Michelle- you crazy loon. She should know better than to lock Cinderella in a bathroom and threaten her. I will miss her drama though. Some girls just never get it. Now that brings me to Tenley. I was really excited to see her do this show, but holy shit she really has swallowed a rainbow. Twinkle toes looked so freakin loopy. What is she on? From laughter to tears but not in a Steel Magnolia's kind-of-way. Shit, she should have knocked that chick out and put her toothbrush in the toilet like any other women with a backbone who gets cornered in a bathroom. Not freakin cry to the whole cast like the injured duckling that she is. She needs to lose the victim card stat and bring her voice down two octaves. Otherwise, loves her.

On to the guys. I could open a garage with all the tools they cast. David- tool. You were a tool on Jillian's season and still are. Craig M.- you really do have great hair, but your lounge-wear and bright colors and strategies equate you to a tool. Jessie K- WTF you are whipped by a crazy bitch. Don't even get me going on that Elizabeth. I knew bitches like that in high school and hated them then and hate them now. She has crazy hair and crazy eyes. I could go on, but she seriously gets me worked up. Anyways, Jessie I lost respect for you that I really never had in the first place. Jessie B- what's with all the Jessies? You're ok except for the giant hooch hangin on your lip. What's with the relationship with Natalie? You seem too cool for that. I think I saw that hoe's legs more than I saw her face. At least sleep in your own bunk. Do you even hear what I'm saying?? We're talking about freakin bunk beds. Separate and stat!

I'm a little concerned that they are going to funk around with Chris Harrison's waredrobe. Try to cool him up for these escapades. Leave well enough alone. The music made me think of Grease and commercials for Fiesta Texas- a little too hokey, but that's a running problem for ABC. There's so much more to discuss but time is limited. We'll save some for next week.