Well I thought we had seen it all this season in terms of poor styling, but then BAM there it was.... Ashley's belly button and 4 inches of exposed skin right there in the middle. It was certainly shocking to see this bitch rock a midriff but damn when she wore the second one, I nearly turned the shit off. I'm not saying she doesn't have awesome abs, but I am saying that I'm not quite ready for Kelly Kapowski. All this aside, her hair remains tragic.
The boys:
- Constantine: If I'm honest, I'll tell you I fell asleep for a large portion of this date. I did, however, get to see him turn her ass down. Guess I should respect him for not taking her to the old marriage bed, but frankly I just found him lame.
- Ben F: Seriously, you aren't even kinda a contender for the final rose. You are a dork. The toe kissing scene at the end was bizarre and uncomfortable for me. It wasn't funny. It was gross. Actually I find him a bit painful to watch.
- Ryan: I honestly think that producers did their absolute best to drum up some drama, but is this really the best they could come up with? My thought is this was the only fool they could get to agree to come back. Offered him a little vacation time for a few minutes of humiliating air time and he accepted. What a fool! Solar panel business must be down to be this desperate for a getaway. Surely you didn't honestly think you had a chance with Ashley. I'm gonna call him Shit Smiley from now on. His face just bugs me. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones but I just want to wipe his stupid little smirk across the Great Barrier Reef. Fuck you and your stupid grin. Let me refresh you Ryan. She spent about 3 hours with you, dumped your ass, told you she didn't have that "chemistry" with you and you walked in circles talking to yourself while a tv crew filmed you. Now, go back to her and have at it one last time, but shit- make sure you smile! Sound like a plan? Idiot.
- JP: The clear winner. I'm assuming he doesn't propose on Monday, but they will stay together. I'm sure she is willing to settle for this as she still has zero self confidence. Too bad you didn't take 3rd JP, you would have made a decent bachelor. Can anyone else see him with Emily?
As for the next bachelor, I'm not sure there are any good contenders. I think it comes down to Ames and Constantine. Clearly Constantine failed to connect with viewers and would ultimately be another Ashley trying to run this gig. So I'm gonna guess producers are out on this one. As for Ames, I think he has peaked quite a bit of interest among viewers but I think ultimately as The Bachelor he would be quite awkward and too formal. Makes me think of Jen Scheft. Loved her with Andrew Firestone and couldn't stand her as Bachelorette. My personal vote would be for JP to quickly end things with Ashley and take it on, but I'm super doubtful. Perhaps Emily will sign on? Little Miss I-Hate-the-Spotlight-so-I'm-Here-To-Talk-About-It.
Well for a season that has dragged on and on, the end sure got here quickly. Anyone else surprised to hear the Men Tell All is on Sunday and the finale is on Monday? Guess they want to shoot this horse and put it out of it's misery.
A little side note:
As I read back to my earlier blogs this season, I feel pretty let down in terms of the drama. Once the Bentley fiasco dissolved, I never really attached to any of these douchers and certainly not Ashley. So any attempts this late in the game to draw us back in have been pretty futile. I've read that viewers are down 10% this season and I think that says a lot. Bach fans are loyal SOBs are we not! Most gals and even a few guys (shout out to Matt and James) have one season where we almost fell off the Bach bandwagon. For me, that would be that Borghese tool. Remember the chick with the tiara, Erica?? That season just about made my head explode. I swore I was out for good. But hot damn if that smiley Chris Harrison and a fresh season didn't suck me right back in. This season would have to be a close runner up. Lord knows, I'm an addict. I just can't quit my weekly dose of shit talking and bad reality tv. I know I'll be back next season, but like any paranoid user I'm gonna have my guard up. I have my fingers crossed for Emily, but I'm certainly not banking on it. I definitely feel like if she is unavailable/ unwilling then they need to take a fresh stab at it. Bring me some fresh meat to spoil. Till then, looks like Bachelor Pad will be returning. Who's watching?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The Bachelorette- Who's still with me?
At this point, I think I'm watching just to see this thing through. I'm in too deep. I'm over committed. Because this is surely not entertaining. I hate to be so down because Lord knows Bach nights are usually my favorite. Let's keep fingers crossed that these next few episodes kick it up a notch. Maybe there will be some serious sister drama and it looks like she gets some sort of special visitor. Hmm... I know, me too. My curiosity is only mildly peaked and this anticipation is greatly a facade.
A few thoughts though:
Constantine: Are you Deanna Pappas' cousin? Felt like deja vu. Greek dancing and all. Also as a side note- I watched this episode on my iPad and the clarity was amazing- he has some seriously bad skin. (shit I think I just got a pimple for writing that, but it's true).
Ames: So long friend. There is something I really like about Ames- perhaps the fact that he reminds me of a bunch of our college friends- that dorky yet intelligent humor. I'm still thinking he might have Apert's (look this syndrome up if you aren't familiar, but don't get mad I said it- Med City friends you totally know you see it too). I think his problem is that he is super stiff. It's almost like you can watch him have an inner dialogue with himself as he moves through "appropriate" responses. "Gently lean in to Ashley and give light hug lasting 2-3 seconds. Swallow drool. Return to upright position" Not exactly F*&K me material.
Ben F: I just can't get on this train. Snoozefest. I'm so glad he got in touch with his emotional side but honestly that just really turns me off. Shut up about it already. Freakin Dr. Phil.
JP: I think he's the clear winner. Pretty dorky little date they had. The one amusing point of the evening was his framed poster of himself at the age of 13. But I can't lie, I would have totally had the hots for him in 1994. Very NKOTB.
Ashley: I had a major problem with her rose ceremony dress- AGAIN! It was a hooker scene from Pretty Woman in a not so pretty woman way.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
A few thoughts though:
Constantine: Are you Deanna Pappas' cousin? Felt like deja vu. Greek dancing and all. Also as a side note- I watched this episode on my iPad and the clarity was amazing- he has some seriously bad skin. (shit I think I just got a pimple for writing that, but it's true).
Ames: So long friend. There is something I really like about Ames- perhaps the fact that he reminds me of a bunch of our college friends- that dorky yet intelligent humor. I'm still thinking he might have Apert's (look this syndrome up if you aren't familiar, but don't get mad I said it- Med City friends you totally know you see it too). I think his problem is that he is super stiff. It's almost like you can watch him have an inner dialogue with himself as he moves through "appropriate" responses. "Gently lean in to Ashley and give light hug lasting 2-3 seconds. Swallow drool. Return to upright position" Not exactly F*&K me material.
Ben F: I just can't get on this train. Snoozefest. I'm so glad he got in touch with his emotional side but honestly that just really turns me off. Shut up about it already. Freakin Dr. Phil.
JP: I think he's the clear winner. Pretty dorky little date they had. The one amusing point of the evening was his framed poster of himself at the age of 13. But I can't lie, I would have totally had the hots for him in 1994. Very NKOTB.
Ashley: I had a major problem with her rose ceremony dress- AGAIN! It was a hooker scene from Pretty Woman in a not so pretty woman way.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The Bachelorette- What a wah wah
If she starts one more episode with, "I'm so happy that this week I have a fresh start with all the guys" I might die. I'm seriously over this girl. She is beyond a train wreck. I just can't hear her say how hard this is one more time. I mean this is like the 15th season. If you don't understand what you are signing up for at this point, then you are a crazy fool. Not to mention you already participated as a contestant just a few months ago. Wah wah wah, poor Ashley. She has so many decisions to make. I can't believe the producers want her to only date 4 guys now. OMG, how on earth will she ever say goodbye to a man she has only spent 4 hours alone with? There could be a connection there. Barf.
Ok she made me do it. She wore those awful skin tight skinny white jeans again that make her like 4 inches tall. I'm going there! Ashley- GET A STYLIST!!! Really, are you going to wear an open backed braless shirt to a sacred temple amongst people praying to their Gods? Have a little class. I swear, I just kept waiting for a strong gust of wind to blow that shit open. And finally, your white prom dress with cut outs to the rose ceremony? I just kept envisioning a sequel to the movie Clueless with a prom scene- this is so something Cher would have worn. Awful, just awful.
I'm also not convinced that the show is literally being sponsored by an Asian tourism company. It's become such a boring season, that they are literally trying to make money on it any way they can. Ashley is now officially part Bachelorette and part tour guide. I love how on every date she gives us some interesting local detail and history as if she has been there before and took the time to plan the date herself. Bitch please, you ain't never seen those fortune telling bricks before in your life. In fact, I bet you had to scribble little notes on your palms to remember your lines.
And finally, was it really that hard to say goodbye to Ryan? What a dork. I'm sure he's a really good guy with great intentions but seriously he does nothing for the lust factor. He's like a male Tenley. Pull yourself together Ash- he ain't it. And as for Lucas- I'm definitely sensing a secret angry asshole side. Douche.
Well of course I have to touch on the Emily interview. I actually felt very little resolution from that interview. In fact, I was a little disappointed. Maybe I just remember liking her so much more than I actually do. I thought she also had a case of the wah wahs. She's usually so spot on with her clothes too that this was also a major let down. The blousy gold top did nothing for her figure and the white skirt or shorts were boring. I liked her trendier, yet classic edgy style we saw with Brad. I got the impression that maybe they weren't quite over. I wouldn't put it past them to get back together. I think she likes the spot light. For someone who complained about it non stop she sure has done a lot of interviews. She's in People like every 5 seconds with a new article. What's the dill pickle? I'm less and less impressed. Maybe she is thinking of staying relative in case she does want to be the next Bachelorette- fingers crossed. You know I would have to watch that.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Ok she made me do it. She wore those awful skin tight skinny white jeans again that make her like 4 inches tall. I'm going there! Ashley- GET A STYLIST!!! Really, are you going to wear an open backed braless shirt to a sacred temple amongst people praying to their Gods? Have a little class. I swear, I just kept waiting for a strong gust of wind to blow that shit open. And finally, your white prom dress with cut outs to the rose ceremony? I just kept envisioning a sequel to the movie Clueless with a prom scene- this is so something Cher would have worn. Awful, just awful.
I'm also not convinced that the show is literally being sponsored by an Asian tourism company. It's become such a boring season, that they are literally trying to make money on it any way they can. Ashley is now officially part Bachelorette and part tour guide. I love how on every date she gives us some interesting local detail and history as if she has been there before and took the time to plan the date herself. Bitch please, you ain't never seen those fortune telling bricks before in your life. In fact, I bet you had to scribble little notes on your palms to remember your lines.
And finally, was it really that hard to say goodbye to Ryan? What a dork. I'm sure he's a really good guy with great intentions but seriously he does nothing for the lust factor. He's like a male Tenley. Pull yourself together Ash- he ain't it. And as for Lucas- I'm definitely sensing a secret angry asshole side. Douche.
Well of course I have to touch on the Emily interview. I actually felt very little resolution from that interview. In fact, I was a little disappointed. Maybe I just remember liking her so much more than I actually do. I thought she also had a case of the wah wahs. She's usually so spot on with her clothes too that this was also a major let down. The blousy gold top did nothing for her figure and the white skirt or shorts were boring. I liked her trendier, yet classic edgy style we saw with Brad. I got the impression that maybe they weren't quite over. I wouldn't put it past them to get back together. I think she likes the spot light. For someone who complained about it non stop she sure has done a lot of interviews. She's in People like every 5 seconds with a new article. What's the dill pickle? I'm less and less impressed. Maybe she is thinking of staying relative in case she does want to be the next Bachelorette- fingers crossed. You know I would have to watch that.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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