Real Housewives New Jersey style

This weeks episode was a total cock tease. That was one hour of infomercial for the North Jersey Country Club and Posche. Kim D- do you have braces or are your teeth just crazy looking? Can't tell. Love Theresa- she is such a stir the pot kind-a-girl! We could be tight. Can't wait to see her attack that crazy bitch Danielle next week, unless of course we can advertise the Brownstone for an hour and then preview a catfight for next week. Best quote: Danielle, "Don't call me honey." Theresa, "Is bitch better"? Loves.

Kim G- you just suck. Act your age and ease up on the Aquanet.

Seriously missing Dina- she was nutty in a yoga/granola way.

Not sure what it is about Ashley that bugs me- maybe it's a small mouth? Hate to pick on her though- she's a youngin and pretty funny with her little wave to Danielle.

Let's hope there's more to say about next week's episode. Till then....

Bissell you gonna sign up already? I can see you befriending Theresa- don't cheat on me too much though!

Bachelorette Week 6- Rated A minus

So I was super excited for this week's show with all the previews from last week. Overall, I would say I was pretty well entertained though exhausted by the time the rose ceremony came around. I was relieved that ABC dove right into the drama- I thought we might have to sit through an hour and 40 minutes of bullshit to see 2 minutes of Justin (and some shit background music). So Justin, I'm not saying he's hot, but seems like he could do better than his current? gf Jessica (she was like a mousy Snooki). I'm guessing he's gonna be pissed she called the show unless of course all that was part of his exit strategy. Loved the subtitles on his taped messages (seriously added to the drama). You know, I think this was all planned- this way the girlfriend doesn't look so bad for his media stunt and like a stupid whore for accepting his bullshit. Lord knows, nothing says winner like an entertainment wrestler- lucky Jessica. P.S. WTF did past season contestant, Jessie, have to do with any of this? I get irritated just looking at her. Best quote, "I'm out. I've got my wallet and my passport". Ali's response, "BE A MAN! YOU'RE GETTING TO REGRET THIS!"-haha still makes me laugh. And I'd like to extend a special thanks to the Grand Hyatt employee who locked the doors on Justin and wouldn't let him re-enter the building to escape the wrath of Ali- classic!

Still love me some Chris L. Thank you ABC for that wrestling scene- though it was incredibly weird and very calculated, I did appreciate the muscle flexion and good humor of Chris. I'm worried for him though- doesn't look like he goes much further according to previews. Let's enjoy him while we can.

Craigy poo- hate to see you go, but you were a bit dull and not so good at accessing the situation. That was the most AWKWARD goodbye ever!!! He goes out to have a deep moment with Ali and open his heart one last time while Ali cowers away and mumbles something about a "romantic connection". Hmm... guess that sums up their situation- she's just not that into you Craig.

Ty- you're overrated. Tone down the southern drawl already- feels a bit put on. Anyone else notice he walks a little bow-legged? I'm worried he might be in the final two. I was also confused when he discussed his divorce- was he saying his wife wouldn't get a job or that he didn't want her to work? And news-flash Ali- just because you are career driven does not make you non-traditional. In fact, it makes you quite traditional in modern times. And seriously, we get it- you gave up your job and your apartment and your whole life to be a on a reality show that pays you and gives you free clothes- poor you!

Roberto and grease face (oh what's his name- Kirk!), not much from either of you this week.

Ali puuuuuhhhhleaze do something about your hair. It is one stringy hot mess 99% of the time. At certain angles she looked decent at the formal rose ceremony (unusual for her, cause I tend to like her in more casual clothes). But good dress with the high heels. Seriously looking forward to upcoming episodes- I'm really concerned they are showing too much to us, but perhaps they are trying to prepare us for a failed proposal.

One last thought- Jake and Vienna. SeriouslY?

Bachelorette Week ? WTF I can't wait for next week!

Ok people if you're not sold on this season yet, just wait for next week- Ali brings her full bitch out on one of the douchebags- can't wait!! As for tonight's episode- delicious! Chris L.- I am so sold. The things we could do spelunking together ;) Kidding- I love you Ryan!! Chris N- who the f*% are you??? Was he hiding behind Chris Harrison the last 5 weeks? Seriously.... he answered her question about what makes him sillly with "mexican food"- that's some F-ing crazy tacos you must be eatin' bro. Best moment of the night- Craig and his faux tattoo (a fautoo if you will)- I believe that redeemed him fully for his slightly lame personality (yes Erin I know he's your fave).

Ok so let's do it- tattoo talk. Kasey Kasey Kasey- I don't know how to help you. In his own words, "I got this tattoo to be a man". Well shit, I know a lotta dudes who better man up then. I mean for 'ril what is he talking about? I realize in some cultures they send boys off on their own for a week to hunt and shit and is that what he's comparing this tat to? He also referred to his 2 on 1 date as "do or die"- i mean really bro, this is a reality television show where you are meeting a total stranger you are going to propose to in 12 weeks- is it really death if you get cut? You aren't even in the final 5- big deal ass hole.

Justin- I think I've figured out what's bothering me with him- once I was able to see past his soul patch I believe I saw a missing tooth on his right upper side. Did anyone else catch this? It's very distracting- that and the emaciated calf muscle. So he must be next week's cheater and I can't wait to see it go down. Gotta box wine for this episode!! On a side note- up until last week I thought his wrestling name was "X- rated" and I laughed to myself every time I thought he was saying, "I'm gonna get all x-rated on your ass". Then my sister pointed out his name is Rated R. Still funny to me though.

I'm not sure how I feel about Ty- a cowboy in medical sales- I could like it. I could hate it. Not sure...

So good episode overall. I think it was pretty apparent none of the guys had any idea they were going somewhere cold- anyone else hate the fingerless striped gloves? Maybe because I live in Texas I'm not familiar with this fad. Also, I found it rude that Kasey wore Ali's coat and scarf the whole episode. Guess ABC got a deal on airfare to Iceland- what with the eruption and all.

Real Housewives of NYC- Reunion

HOLY CRAP- and people say The View is a catfight. Since I've never recapped a Real Housewives episode (though I've followed it closely from the beginning) I'll give you a little take on my thoughts of the ladies.

Bethenny- Loves her. Her book is pretty awesome- I think I would be super skinny if I heeded her advice. I think she's hilarious (love her Jill Zarin impressions). Her jaw line and bulging eyes are a bit distracting and I often find myself contemplating on whether or not she is pretty at certain angles. *I know I'm super critical...sigh* Not sure how I feel about Jason yet, but I'm watching her new Bethenny Getting Married show so we'll see.

Lou Ann- She's very love hate for me. I hate all the "I'm classy" shit (that statement is seriously ironic). I do like her style (with the exception of her hair) and the Native American cheek bones. Her taste is men is HORRIBLE!!!! (I get the willies watching her date). And she needs to never sing again.

Jill Zarin- While I personally want to punch her in the nose, I do think she's necessary for the show. I love that her husband's name is Bobby (perfect for her NY accent and very mafiosa- and I like his transition lenses). I for 'ril feel sorry for her daughter. What do you think it would cost to have a cabby run her damn dog over? That thing is sick lickin' her nose and all.

Alex- Again, love to hate her. She and simon give me the creeps BIG time. I want to vomit when I think of how much they spend on their hideous clothes. Her looks are also distracting, though I have to say she grew on me this season. What the F&$% was all that "deliver a message" shit?

Ramona- Please stop wearing your jewelry collection in every single scene. It's so not something we want to buy! Is she aware of how crazy her eyes look? I am laughing to myself as I think of her walking that catwalk with crazy side pony tail and way too much sclera. And dude her daughter is like 5 minutes from snorting crack- that's one angry pre-teen.

Kelly- Oh my word. Girl has gone crizzzazy. In the words of Sonia, it's not fair to pick on those who are mentally ill. But she does have one sick body for eating gummy bears and jelly beans. Ease up on the spray tan though. What was she smoking when she named her kids Sea and Teddy? She's seriously living in a land with rainbows and unicorns.

Sonia- Slow down with the sex maniac persona. She's pretty chill otherwise. Her hair is a bit light and looks almost grey to me in certain lights. I think we could be friends.

I think that does it. Well Andy Cohen- he's great- love his interview techniques especially when he gets offended by their gay and Jewish prejudices- he's so not Oprah in a good way.

So for the Reunion- I was wondering how they were going to fill 3 hours, but they sure as hell managed. Best part was Ramona stamping her foot like my own toddler at Jill Zarin. NUTHOUSE. So was everyone else confused about LouAnn and the cheating thing? I'm thinking she and her husband were both seeing other people before they decided to finalize the divorce. Still unclear to me. Jill drives me insane with the "I'm sorry" crap and then when you accept her apology she gets mad back. I can't stand that. Also she needs to do swoopy bangs or something- it's almost nerdy the way she styles it. Bethenny was playing the cool as cucumber card a bit too much- I like to really see her explode on people like Kelly. Remember the "GO TO BED THEN" moment on the crazy island- loved that. Worst moment of the night was Jill Zarin (you have to say her name in full to get the whole effect) scootin over to Bethenny to hug her and not being able to really bend in the dress- AWKWARD. There's no hope for them- Jill Zarin is freakin looney and a media whore. I heard she's now friends with Dina Lohan. She has no standards when it comes to press. Ok that's all for now- gotta make a bucket list for bookclub tomorrow (we are headed on a central Texas winery tour- I know, I didn't realize we had wineries here either). What are your thoughts?

Bachelorette Week 4?

So for 'ril WHAT IS UP with that dude (cotton-mouth) Kasey?!?!? The best line of the night was, "now he's forever the tattoo bachelorette dude" (thanks Chris L. - P.S. You are super hot in a John Corbett Northern Exposure way- deelish!). Kasey sucks so bad that he is making Justin (faux wrestler) seem like a real gem- and the soul patch is growing on me. Back to Kasey for a moment and his "story" for his tattoo- a burn while making breakfast severe enough to spend 12 hours in the hospital? What the F$#% were you making- that's some hot ass oatmeal. Who would believe that? There's much more to say about his tat and his 11 "brothers represented by stones", but honestly it's like picking on the slow kid at this point.

Ok the Weatherman. Maybe I'm crazy but I believe that would be a sought after job- especially for a big city like Houston. And this is the guy they hire? I don't know where to start- he really takes care of it himself with his "forecast" comments. I mean seriously. I feel the need to insert a weather joke now, but my fingers are literally repelled from the keyboard so let's just take a moment to picture Jonathan in his spandex shorts.

I also feel seriously duped by ABC and In Style for the "makeover" portion of the show. I really thought they were gonna get a handle on her extensions.

So at this point my front runners are Roberto and Chris L. I'm gonna throw in Frank as a long shot (I believe he has the potential for crazy, but at this point I'm still charmed by the glasses and his "dreamer" quality). Kasey needs the boot or Ali looses credibility.

One last thought- is it getting hard for anyone else to watch Ali in a helicopter/small airplane? I mean the bitch hates flying objects and yet ABC seems to think it's the only mode of transportation.

Suckered

Ok I've been suckered into the blogging world. I really enjoy reading everyone's blogs and wanted to have one myself, but just couldn't figure what exactly I wanted/ should share. And since facebook cuts my reality tv posts so short, i figured this would be a better forum. So here goes. I figure hodge podge is a good summary of what to expect. Oh and lots of trash talking- with my 18 month old wandering around like a parrot, some topics are better seen and not heard.