Bachelor Recap- Who's Your Daddy?

Who needs expensive therapy when you can just watch The Bachelor? In case you were doubting Brad's reported "self growth", we were given a rare and insightful peak into his very own therapy sessions. Boy if that wasn't breakthrough material then what is? It was almost as cathartic as an episode of Ricki Lake. That therapist (though hot by some standards) was about as legit as Tiger Wood's marriage. I'm sorry but if I hear one more sob story being representative of a "great connection" I'm gonna puke. Ladies, just because you shared some family history doesn't mean he's the love of your life. Or as Ashley S. said, "I can't imagine a more wonderful man to be in love with". HOLY SHIT- it's episode 3 lady. You sang some really freakin bad karaoke and told him about your daddy. Meanwhile ABC producers have set up a nice little date with an appearance from Seal and nice meal you never actually eat because that's tacky to do on camera. That ain't love. Love is when your man can see your whoo whoo spread open like the grand canyon and pop out a baby and still manage to love you and look at you like that wasn't some freak of nature. I guarantee you it's the wine talking.

And Chantal (I really find the pronunciation of her name distracting) you gotta quit with the tears. LIke my sister said, "tears actually make a man feel less sexual". Not exactly a "F#$k me" moment.

Then there was Emily. Sweet sweet Emily. I think ABC was actually playing around with a new title for the show "The Emily and freakin bachelor Show". Best quote of the night, "Emily is like the body of Barbie with the soul of Mother Theresa". Seriously you can't hate her. And apparently Brad is taken with her. Can't blame him. The nurse in me was on high alert during their barn date. As if the lit candles over hay weren't enough, they had to have an open fire as well. I thought for sure that barn was gonna burn. One last thought- was it necessary to put her in a small aircraft? For shit's sake, they love to torture these girls with transportation nightmares!

Well if we talk about Emily then we might as well talk about the evil bitch- MICHELLE! Girl, you are freakin me out. I know the show is edited to make you look a little more crazy (i.e. the horror film sound track every time she is on camera), but for 'ril you gotta tone down the crazy eyes. It just shows you- men love a hoe even if she crazy. Talk to your therapist about that one, Brad. I'm gonna guess she makes it to top 8 then off with her head.

Allie- little confused with her. What's her story? I can't remember. All i know is I was super distracted with her rose ceremony dress. Looked just like a real life Tiffany box. I thought for sure if they did surgery on her a nice little silver charm bracelet would fall out. I bet she shits engagement rings.

Was it me or were there like 10 girls at the rose ceremony you had never seen before? I've got my eye for those few that slide under the radar and end up in slots 2 and 3. Lisa maybe? or Marissa? You never know. Bye bye Madison- you were just the "weird one" in my mind until you popped off your fake incisors on camera and now you are the "weird and disgusting one".

Well that's it for now. Gotta utilize E's naptime well! Leave me some posts- i love to hear your thoughts!