Tonight's recap HAS to start with the overwhelming crazy bitch of the house- Michelle. Wow a black eye? Surprise surprise. Seriously what is going on in her head? Maybe she has been using that brazilian blow out too much on clients and the formaldehyde has gone to her head. I have a few thoughts on that black eye- every hear of Munchausens? Bitch will stop at nothing to get attention. I guess you can only pull the birthday card once every 365 days. I have a feeling she's actually used it about 40 times in her life (not 31). I'll also go so far as to say I bet she's actually a repelling coach back home- that bitch ain't afraid of heights. She just watched Jake's season and saw that other crazy bitch win a man over a little fear of heights. Some people call that a smart play, I call her crazy. Ain't no freakin' way home girl got a mystery black eye in her sleep and just happened to get a one-on-one date. Those producers did a little consultation with the corporate lawyers and figured they better give her a little Brad time before she up and kills one of those other crazy bitches. And lady, lay off the testosterone- using the sumo elbow and right hook on camera is straight up manly and tacky. It ranks right up there with chewing gum on camera. Glamour don't.
Let's move on to the group date. I know Brad believes Dr. Drew's (aka the doctor for celebrity rehab- hmm...) is the perfect spot for everyone to open up and reveal their true self- I believe he used the term "safe place", but I'm not sure public radio is exactly where I would reveal my inner demons. And I'm still not quite sure what clarity he gained from this experience. I found it to be a lot of "I'd like to get to know you better" bullshit. And in true ABC fashion they decided wind down the evening in none other than..... a hot tub! This whole scene lost me- I'm not quite sure how they went from therapy to hot tub, but whatever. It was a little too Hippy Hollow for me. I could swear they were passing around a peace pipe. Well I guess it's only fair to mention the other crazy bitch now- Ashley. Hmmm... she's like my toddler- you teach her how to act by reinforcing the behaviors you do want to see. And obviously Brad is new to parenting. Were you seriously going to reward her whining with a rose? At least he pulled himself together at the last minute and went with Brit Brit (ok girl we get it, you're intimidated- next week you are gonna need something real to discuss with him- oh and a haircut).
Ok I feel like I need to lay out a few reminders and tips to the ladies:
1. Right answer: "I feel excited to be here"
2. Wrong answer: "It's just so hard to watch you date other women"
3. Crying crying crying, Chantal stop it! You're too cute to do that. (also see #5)
4. Sorry ladies if Emily is in your season- you just can't beat that. I can actually see them saying, "Wow she's so lucky- she's so beautiful AND her fiance died". (P.S. Emily you totally make me think of Holly Madison).
5. It's weird and uncool to say "Can I steal him away for a second"
6. I know it's shocking after 15 seasons, but yes, you will go on group dates, you will see him kiss other women, and there will be crazy bitches in the house. And yes, we know, you've never been in this situation before.
7. Shorter dresses are not always better dresses
1-2-3 Did you just picture Shawtel leaping across the screen into Brad's arms? Riiiiiight.
An early prediction: Emily, Chantal and Jackie (wild card I know) for top 3. We'll see.
Love it!! Definitely agree with Emily and Chanatal but don't forget about the funeral director, Shawntel think he likes him some dark hair but she wasn't displayed as much this week so who knows.
ReplyDeleteOh and if I have to hear him say, "For Sure" one more time I'm going to scream. New answer please Brad!
Hey Amy!
ReplyDeleteSo I agree with you on a lot and am getting quite annoyed by the same things being said over and over again. "It's so hard.", "I know what we have is special." I actually know Ashley H. because she came to some of my exercise classes. She is a super sweet girl and was not super happy about her looking crazy but I can only imagine what that show and all that happens on it does to you. Personally, I wouldn't put myself in that situation so they obviously need to deal with it. Michelle is scary and yes, the short dresses are TERRIBLE.
I love it!! I was totally having flash backs to Vienna and Jake's season - you hit it dead on- she is most definitely a repelling instructor! Seriously - how do you wake up with a black eye??? Strange, but shockingly not from her. I agree with the top 3 - but might throw out Chantal for one of the Ashley's - not sure which one yet.
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